Perhaps you have always taken care of your soul, or perhaps you have been too negligent of it to realise. Or perhaps, you aware of the fact that, like me, you have had some pretty dark days, and have felt your heart blacken and harden. If that is you, then I want to share with you a secret. Everyone knows there is a way, but not everyone has discovered the path.
The reason we have not achieved complete certainty, or yaqeen is because we have not removed the veils between us and our Lord. A lot of people choose to sit in the comfort of their ignorance instead of embarking on their personal journey to perfection and certainty. Others of us decide to take the path because we have a basic understanding that servitude is our duty. Often however, we fall prey to the base desires within, and the seductive deceptions of the dunya cause us to take a wrong turn.
In our delusional state, we forget our duty and become familiar with sin and corruption. If we are sensible, we turn back to Allah. But sometimes, our corruption continues, until we lose sight of the road we should be treading. We get to a stage where we want to feel the desire to turn back, but we no longer possess it. We half-regretfully, half-idly say we want to remove the veils between us and God, but now there are another set of veils, which keep us away from the first set!
It is moments like these that we wonder where our passion has gone. What happened to the fire within us? Has it been extinguished, to be replaced by a sense of emptiness, a morbid carelessness? We cannot see a way back, and we have no idea where to turn.
But even from the depths of such despair, a hope can rise. This I what I wish to share with you. I have two pieces of advice. One is to do with the mind, and one to do with the heart. The sources? Prophet Muhammad left us two sources of guidance: the Quran, and the Ahlulbayt, and it is these that contain the potential to build a bridge back to salvation. The advice I offer is not mine, it is merely the humble thoughts of a fellow sinner. The real worth of this advice is credited to the Ahlulbayt, and ultimately, to Allah. However, the two things I shall talk about are not enough on their own – only together will they produce an effect.
The first piece of advice, is to open the Quran. Let us go to surah 20, verse 15. Allah says “Surely the hour is coming– I am about to make it manifest– so that every soul may be rewarded as it strives.”
In this verse, Allah speaks to Prophet Musa. All those thousands of years ago, Allah is still saying that the hour is coming. That is something to reflect upon. He then talks about making everything manifest. Truth will show, regardless of whether you follow its path. Whether you acquire certainty or not, there will come a day when nobody will be able to deny the obvious signs of Allah, and the disbelievers will not even be able to lie to themselves. Isn’t that what we are doing by indulging in the illicit pleasures of this world? Are we not just lying to ourselves, and telling ourselves that satisfying the self is more important, that it is more worthy of worship than Allah? These words of Allah require a deeper introspection, but that is not what I want to focus on.
In the next part of the verse, Allah explains that we will be rewarded for our efforts. At this point, let me ask: if you had an exam to take, and you studied harder than anyone else for it, but still weren’t able to do well, would you receive a high grade just because you tried? Of course not. At the end of the day, we reap what we have submitted.
This leads me to conclude one thing: Allah’s statement about rewarding our efforts is a promise by God Himself, that every ounce of effort will contribute to a change in ourselves, a reward. With this realisation, we know that there is a way back from the darkness. Yes our hearts are dark, but we need to ask ourselves:
How badly do you want it?
Yes, your heart is plagued with carelessness and desire, but your mind may be sharp. And if you have any mental cognition of the importance of your duty to your Lord, then ask yourself how badly you want it. How much effort are you ready to put into turning yourself around? Are you prepared to do whatever it takes? Really?
If your answer is yes, then your mind is ready. The next thing to do, is to prepare your hard heart. What we want to do, is soften it enough to open it up so that we can plant the seeds of forgiveness inside, so that when it heals, the fruits of redemption blossom from its core.
I ask you, what better way to make our hearts feel again than by remembering the tragedy of Karbala? If you have doubts, then relinquish them with the assurance that you are doing this with a different mindset. You are mentally prepared, and you are begging Allah to make you feel again. With today’s technology, it is very easy to find a maqtal (a recount of the tragedy) on the Internet. Listen to it with your mind ready, purposefully committing to this with the intention of crying. With a mindset that is now firm, pray to Allah, and the tears will come as you hear of Umar ibn Sa’ad, who almost desisted from committing the crime, but gave in to his desires… or when you hear of Hur, who despite all his evil deeds, turned back to Allah the way you are trying to now… or maybe the love of Muslim will strike you when his dying wish to Habib is to protect Imam Hussain… or perhaps you will shed a tear when you hear about John, who was told to leave the battlefield but could not bear to leave Imam Hussain… or maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel something when you hear about the moment in which Imam looks around, and sees that he has nobody left to fight for him. And he calls out to you: “Is there any helper to help us?”
With a strong mind and a broken heart, you have this chance at forgiveness. So I plead to you, take it. Reflect on the verse yourself. Listen to the tragedy of Karbala. Then, when you are in a state of sorrow, beg Allah for forgiveness. I suggest that you listen and read a dua: maybe Dua Tawbah, or Dua Kumail, or Dua Abu Hamza Thimali. Do not just read and listen to the words of the Imam, let them come from inside yourself and speak those words to your Lord. Then when the tears dry, you will feel a joy of hope that you felt once, long ago, and you will know, that you have another chance.
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