There Is Always A Way

Perhaps you have always taken care of your soul, or perhaps you have been too negligent of it to realise. Or perhaps, you aware of the fact that, like me, you have had some pretty dark days, and have felt your heart blacken and harden. If that is you, then I want to share with you a secret. Everyone knows there is a way, but not everyone has discovered the path.

The reason we have not achieved complete certainty, or yaqeen is because we have not removed the veils between us and our Lord. A lot of people choose to sit in the comfort of their ignorance instead of embarking on their personal journey to perfection and certainty. Others of us decide to take the path because we have a basic understanding that servitude is our duty. Often however, we fall prey to the base desires within, and the seductive deceptions of the dunya cause us to take a wrong turn.

In our delusional state, we forget our duty and become familiar with sin and corruption. If we are sensible, we turn back to Allah. But sometimes, our corruption continues, until we lose sight of the road we should be treading. We get to a stage where we want to feel the desire to turn back, but we no longer possess it. We half-regretfully, half-idly say we want to remove the veils between us and God, but now there are another set of veils, which keep us away from the first set!

It is moments like these that we wonder where our passion has gone. What happened to the fire within us? Has it been extinguished, to be replaced by a sense of emptiness, a morbid carelessness? We cannot see a way back, and we have no idea where to turn.

But even from the depths of such despair, a hope can rise. This I what I wish to share with you. I have two pieces of advice. One is to do with the mind, and one to do with the heart. The sources? Prophet Muhammad left us two sources of guidance: the Quran, and the Ahlulbayt, and it is these that contain the potential to build a bridge back to salvation. The advice I offer is not mine, it is merely the humble thoughts of a fellow sinner. The real worth of this advice is credited to the Ahlulbayt, and ultimately, to Allah. However, the two things I shall talk about are not enough on their own – only together will they produce an effect.

The first piece of advice, is to open the Quran. Let us go to surah 20, verse 15. Allah says “Surely the hour is coming– I am about to make it manifest– so that every soul may be rewarded as it strives.”

In this verse, Allah speaks to Prophet Musa. All those thousands of years ago, Allah is still saying that the hour is coming. That is something to reflect upon. He then talks about making everything manifest. Truth will show, regardless of whether you follow its path. Whether you acquire certainty or not, there will come a day when nobody will be able to deny the obvious signs of Allah, and the disbelievers will not even be able to lie to themselves. Isn’t that what we are doing by indulging in the illicit pleasures of this world? Are we not just lying to ourselves, and telling ourselves that satisfying the self is more important, that it is more worthy of worship than Allah? These words of Allah require a deeper introspection, but that is not what I want to focus on.

In the next part of the verse, Allah explains that we will be rewarded for our efforts. At this point, let me ask: if you had an exam to take, and you studied harder than anyone else for it, but still weren’t able to do well, would you receive a high grade just because you tried? Of course not. At the end of the day, we reap what we have submitted.

This leads me to conclude one thing: Allah’s statement about rewarding our efforts is a promise by God Himself, that every ounce of effort will contribute to a change in ourselves, a reward. With this realisation, we know that there is a way back from the darkness. Yes our hearts are dark, but we need to ask ourselves:

How badly do you want it?

Yes, your heart is plagued with carelessness and desire, but your mind may be sharp. And if you have any mental cognition of the importance of your duty to your Lord, then ask yourself how badly you want it. How much effort are you ready to put into turning yourself around? Are you prepared to do whatever it takes? Really?

If your answer is yes, then your mind is ready. The next thing to do, is to prepare your hard heart. What we want to do, is soften it enough to open it up so that we can plant the seeds of forgiveness inside, so that when it heals, the fruits of redemption blossom from its core.

I ask you, what better way to make our hearts feel again than by remembering the tragedy of Karbala? If you have doubts, then relinquish them with the assurance that you are doing this with a different mindset. You are mentally prepared, and you are begging Allah to make you feel again. With today’s technology, it is very easy to find a maqtal (a recount of the tragedy) on the Internet. Listen to it with your mind ready, purposefully committing to this with the intention of crying. With a mindset that is now firm, pray to Allah, and the tears will come as you hear of Umar ibn Sa’ad, who almost desisted from committing the crime, but gave in to his desires… or when you hear of Hur, who despite all his evil deeds, turned back to Allah the way you are trying to now… or maybe the love of Muslim will strike you when his dying wish to Habib is to protect Imam Hussain… or perhaps you will shed a tear when you hear about John, who was told to leave the battlefield but could not bear to leave Imam Hussain… or maybe, just maybe, you’ll feel something when you hear about the moment in which Imam looks around, and sees that he has nobody left to fight for him. And he calls out to you: “Is there any helper to help us?”

With a strong mind and a broken heart, you have this chance at forgiveness. So I plead to you, take it. Reflect on the verse yourself. Listen to the tragedy of Karbala. Then, when you are in a state of sorrow, beg Allah for forgiveness. I suggest that you listen and read a dua: maybe Dua Tawbah, or Dua Kumail, or Dua Abu Hamza Thimali. Do not just read and listen to the words of the Imam, let them come from inside yourself and speak those words to your Lord. Then when the tears dry, you will feel a joy of hope that you felt once, long ago, and you will know, that you have another chance.

Compound Regret

Regret is something everyone has felt in their life at some point, for some reason. I don’t know if you have felt compound regret. It’s worse than regret, but feels better. The thing with it is, it is far easier to lose your way.

Compound regret is when you feel bad that you don’t feel bad about something anymore. Take all the death in the world. You may have the disease of selfishness embedded within you, but you may still feel an insignificant shred of pity for all those dying in Palestine, in Africa, in the middle east. You may not donate towards them or let it affect your life at all, but you will sympathise with them a little. Regret would come when you felt bad about how little you care. Compound regret is when you see the news, and see another bomb blast killing tens of people, and you realise you just don’t care. People die, it happens. Others died yesterday, more will die tomorrow, and you simply don’t care about the ones who died today. At this point, perhaps you will feel bad. Not for them, but about the fact that you don’t feel bad anymore. That is compound regret.

It is the hardest thing to shake, because you have to make yourself try to give a damn about something you couldn’t care less about. You may donate money to them, but still you won’t care – and it will get to a stage where you don’t know if you will ever be able to care again. If you’re unlucky, your regret may take on a third dimension. There was a time you felt bad that you didn’t care, but now you don’t even feel bad about not caring. Or worse still, you don’t care that you don’t feel bad about your desensitisation. It goes on, and each veil is harder to lift than the last.

It gets to a stage where you wonder at how you managed to turn yourself into such a monster. With each stage of compound regret, your willingness to do anything about your monstrosity lessens. It makes you wonder if you have any way back. It makes you wonder… if for you, there exists such a thing as redemption.

Plugging In

Imagine a child sitting on a mat, playing happily with his toys. It’s the child’s birthday, so there are a lot of new presents among the old games. There is one toy that remains half opened; it seems the baby played with it and liked it, but has forgotten about it. Pick that toy up and have a look at it. You’ll have the baby’s attention straight away. It has fifty other toys to play with, and it wasn’t even paying attention to the toy in your hand, but now it’s focused on one thing, and one thing only. It wants the toy you are holding. It forgets about all the others; it just cries and wails and tries to get hold of that one toy it doesn’t have anymore. Try and tell the baby to be reasonable, or try and be strict, and you’ll see that it has no effect. The baby will keep crying until it gets the toy back.

This phenomenon of human nature remains in a person even when they gain maturity. I can tell you because I have had first hand experience with it. Just think of all the good things in your life that you could be thankful for, but instead you take for granted. Apparently, you don’t realise how much something means to you until you lose it – and it’s true. On the other hand, if there is something you have always wanted but never had, you chase after it like a fool chasing a rainbow. This chase consumes you, and it develops into an obsession. You feel like you can’t be happy without your object of affection.

I have felt this before. But recently, I have found what I’ve been looking for. This is how it feels: for a moment your jubilation overcomes you and you feel yourself bathing in a swirl of emotion. Then, you realise something. You don’t just want this; you need it. Because without it, you wouldn’t be able to focus on what you truly want. It’s funny how sometimes we are so fascinated by the reflection, that we don’t even look at the original.

We all need to detach from the pleasures of this world. I would never have thought that sometimes, acquiring your desire will help you do that. That does not mean that the thing you were after is meaningless; in my case, it still means the world, and it is something whose benefit I will gain from, perhaps for the rest of my life. My point is simple: if you keep chasing after something you will never be happy. I am thankful to my Lord that I have managed to find what I’m looking for. In other cases, it may require letting go.

Whatever the case, when you do finally relieve yourself, you will notice changes in yourself. Those dots you could not connect before, suddenly connect for you, and suddenly you feel connected to reality again. You feel like you’ve plugged yourself in, and a love for something greater washes through you, cleansing you, and detaching from everything becomes that much easier. You feel completely at peace, living in the moment, sipping from the goblet of tranquility, no longer missing what you don’t have. At the same time, you are thankful for the things you do have. But you know: if those things were taken away from you, it would be okay.

I found what I’ve been chasing after (and I will cherish it forever), and because of that, I can finally find what I have truly been looking for all along. What everyone is looking for. There’s something greater, both out there, and in your heart. You can call it whatever you want to: mother nature, fate, or God, but it’s there. We’re all just trying to plug ourselves in.

Belief

I haven’t had the best week. Okay that was a lie, it’s been an absolutely awful week – one I’d rather not relive.

One would think that in the depths of ocean deep grief, I would be able to make something of my life. Usually, the collapse of a dimension of my life (yes this is not the first time) has a numbing effect on the rest of my life, decreasing any negative emotions and making it that much easier to do the right thing. But not this time. This week has been a crazy week of laziness, carelessness, and a struggle for the reins which in all honesty, was feeble. My attempts to regain control were like that of a child writing a fifty word essay, just to say that he did something.

It is only now that I have managed to tame my lion, and by God I will make it purr like a harmless kitten. All it really takes, is one realisation from a period of reflection, or an inspiration from an emotional source, and suddenly you are reminded of where you were headed when you set out on this unconditional journey. Like a switch flicked on, you are able to utter a phrase oft repeated, but for the first time it is with conviction: “I believe.”

In that moment all worries are dispelled; all obstacles diminish, and the path ahead is visible. Everything you need to give up becomes insignificant and everything that might stop you seems small in comparison. Light floods the tunnel, and you finally undersrand: you kept telling yourself you’ll reach the other side, and you believed it… you just couldn’t see it.

“Belief is a pair of 3D glasses: once put on, you see a new dimension of reality.” ~ Expressionista4

The Constant

Sometimes you accept something as the truth, but somewhere deep inside, that truth hasn’t settled. So this is a reminder to myself first, and to you the reader second, that there is only One Constant in life.

Don’t expect your parents to be there for you all the time, because – extremely bluntly put – they will die. And if they are around for a few more years, you will grow up and they grow old, and instead of relying on them, they will rely on you.

Your friends will come, and your friends will leave. Those you hold close will distance from you, and you yourself will distance with those who held you close. Many people enter and leave your life quite quickly, but some stick around. Some of those people who stick around, become quite close to you. Some of those people you get close to become like family. And family is always there, right? No.

There’s nobody to blame for life’s simplest mechanisms. Things like “moving on”, “becoming busy”, “parting ways” and “relocating” happen because we are all bound by time, and time brings change.

But sometimes, you forget about these. You think things will last. And as you see other things and other people flit in and out, some stay, and you think they are constants. Obviously you understand that they are also temporary, but you begin forget. Over time, you forget more and more, until that awareness leaves, and you begin to expect they’ll stay.

I think it takes losing a “constant” to remind you that there really only is One Permanent Thing. It reminds you that you’ve been living in a false reality. That doesn’t stop the sense of loss you feel when they go; but I also don’t believe in meaningless suffering. What better way for the Constant to remind you of His exclusivity than to cut you away from those things you attached yourself to? Now will you cling to the only lasting relationship you’ll ever have?

I guess even after all that, sometimes you still don’t fully realise the essential reality of God – that He’s always there, and that if you fully believed that, you wouldn’t ever cling to anything else because you don’t see worth in doing so. In fact you see only One, as all the realities come together and “wherever you turn, there is the face of Allah”.

If you don’t see that, then you slowly begin to forget this reminder, and make yourself vulnerable to another temporary attachment – however strong or weak.

At the start, I said I am writing this first for myself. So I speak to myself now: the next time you fall under an illusion, read this, and remind yourself of the truth: you only have one Sustainer and nobody loves you more than Him. So stop playing deluded games and give Him all your love.

“Materialism knows no enemy, except for the awareness of God’s presence.” ~ Expressionista4

Subtle Hypocrisy

Subtle hypocrisy is a major cause of pain for the Muslim ummah. The following chain of logical links should make this clear:

1. Do you believe in God?
2. If your answer is yes, then by default you believe God is perfect, otherwise He wouldn’t be God.
3. Therefore He is Absolute Truth and everything He says is True.
4. If He encourages something or makes something wajib, it is good for us and if he discourages something or makes something haraam, it is bad for us (He needs nothing as He is perfect, so these guidelines are clearly for our sake and not for His).
6. Humans never do anything that they believe is bad (people who commit suicide think it’s better for them than staying alive) for them and always do things that are good for them (people sin because they desire pleasure – the pleasure is the good they see).

So according to this, we never sin because God said it is bad for us and He always speaks truth. We aren’t attached to dunya (the worldly life) at all because we know it isn’t real, and that there is only One Truth.

But I’ve crossed that out, because
we aren’t like that.

It’s weird because clearly obeying God and making him the sole purpose of all our actions makes sense in our heads, and so we believe it, but we don’t act like we do. This is what I call subtle hypocrisy. My only question is, where are we going wrong?

My Greatest Flaw

Everyone has one. There’s always that one thing that you wish you could change about yourself, and if you do manage to eradicate that quality within yourself, then something else becomes your greatest flaw.

Some people are open about their greatest flaw, but I guess they don’t understand how black and wretched its reality is (all things have a deeper reality… but that’s a different discussion).

Personally, I recognise the darkness of my own greatest flaw, and therefore I am too embarrassed to share it. But I do know, that I can only progress in life so far with this flaw embedded within me, and I think I’ve almost hit that limit.

So what do you do to move from dirty into clean? How do you escape fron a sea of murky, dingy water onto the clean, dry land? You learn to swim. There’s always a way, because it would be an injustice on the part of God if He left us to drown. There’s always a remedy or a ritual that you can create for yourself, and as long as you’re consistent in applying the ointment, the rash will clear up. I have found my ritual, my way of curing the plague that is my greatest flaw. My medicine is ready, and all I have to do is drink it. But there’s a problem.

It tastes horrible. It’s absolutely awful, and some days my body tries to puke it back up because the taste sends my brain spinning. So I force myself to drink it for a couple of days, and then I give up. Then I force myself for a couple of days, then I give up. Then I force my- you get the idea.

I want to complete my course and get better, and that is why I am making a pledge, with you the reader: I will take my “medicine” for a full month, every single day (by the way, good luck and get well soon cards in the comments section would be appreciated – it keeps you going if people believe in you). Today is the day I start, and I urge you start alongside me on your own greatest flaw.

We can do this. Together.

Actually, we can do this alone even if we don’t believe we can. But together we are stronger. Wish me luck! 😄

“Inside, your emotions change, but an external force will keep you going. Be that force.” ~ Expressionista4

The Mirage Of Happiness

How are you?

That’s the first question you are asked any time you meet someone. The standard answer is “I’m good”, but how often is that actually true? Do we actually feel really happy and good all the time? How many days in your life can you say have passed where you have actually felt emotionally incredibly happy?

It’s a concept we all chase, and it’s impossible to keep, because sooner or later, life will throw something at you that will bring you down emotionally. And you’ve got to accept that, otherwise you’re hiding from the truth. Depressing things happen to everyone.

If you really think about it, and realise it deeply, then it’ll be a depressing thought. Life can seem like a battle you can’t win; like throwing a tennis ball at a wall in the hope that it won’t come back. Life is about happiness, people say (by happiness I do not mean the deeper concept of happiness, but the surface feeling of happiness), and if you cannot keep that feeling of emotional joy, what’s the point of staying alive? The issue is in the very first sentence. “Life is about happiness.” It doesn’t have to be.

Allow me to make a point here which I can tie into the discussion. What is your purpose in life? Why do you exist? Is there any meaning to your life? If you wanted to achieve one thing in the time you are alive, what would it be? Notice the word “one”. Why? Because time is limited; life is short. Human beings seek perfection, but they cannot be perfect in everything there is. That is why I give this advice: quality not quantity. Pick one purpose, and gear your entire life around that one purpose, and be the very best you can be.

Now obviously, you won’t take advice from me unless I prove to you why I say what I say, so I want to present to you the effects of applying this.

When your life revolves around one purpose, then fulfilling that purpose is what matters most. The friends you choose are because they will help you reach that goal; the activities you partake in will help you reach that goal; the types of conversations you have will help you reach that goal.

When you are consumed by this journey to perfection, you’ll come to realise one day, just how important that goal is to you. Suddenly, life won’t be about being happy. Now, whether you are feeling good or you are feeling a little bit down, you will be relatively stable, because how good you feel on a particular day isn’t what’s relevant to your life as whole. You will eventually notice that even in times of difficulty, bereavement and seemingly stressful circumstances, you will manage to acquire a sense of tranquility, because despite everything that’s going on, despite feeling like crying your eyes out, you are still fulfilling your purpose, and that’s what your life is about.

What kind of purpose should you pick? Pick an everlasting purpose, a journey where every step is a success; a purpose which working towards – every tiny little step – is completely and undeniably worth it, but, at the same time there is always something more you can do, because otherwise you may find yourself at a stage where your purpose is complete and you don’t know what to do with your life. Pick a purpose which you can work towards every single minute of every single day. That way not a moment goes by that your life is meaningless. Now, some of you will know straight away what my purpose is, and what I have in mind, but for those who don’t, I’m sure that if you think on it properly and in sufficient depth, you will come to the same conclusion that I have.

Do we not all crave tranquility, contentment, and satisfaction? Then why do we chase something that cannot be captured? I have shared with you my secret of being at perpetual ease, even in times of hardship. It’s up to you to think about it and consider whether anything I have said is worth applying to your lives.

“Life isn’t about reaching the destination. It’s about making the journey.” ~ Expressionista4

Greetings

In the name of Allah, the beneficent, the merciful.

This goes out to everyone who reads my posts – or rather, everyone who will read my posts in the future. At this point, I’m just starting out. The obvious question to address here is… why? Why am I creating this blog?

I feel like I have so much to say about life, so much to express, and so many lessons to pass on from my experiences. Some of these anecdotes and musings are more personal than others, and consequently I have chosen to remain anonymous.

I do feel however, that I cannot simply keep these thoughts to myself. Perhaps they will be of use to you and maybe they might open up your own journey of analysis and truth-seeking.

To summarise, essentially all I’m saying is welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy reading my future posts – and if you do, please do share them. Thank you very much 🙂